Today I have what feels like the beginning of my monthly visitor....the cramps. My face broke out yesterday. I'm trying to leave it alone. I could cry. I might cry. I don't think I've ever wanted something this bad in my life...O-kay maybe those Calvin Klein Jeans that I sold my soul for in 10th grade, my first car, and the wood blinds for my house...but it's not the same.

I try to put it from my mind.....but your body throws relentless reminders...of the possibility of infertility. Then cramps...that feel like labor. O-kay, there's possibility it could be my IBS...but doesn't seem to be. And I'm having those strange twinges of pain on my left side again....same as last month.

I've always hated my body....but I think I hate it more now that it won't give me what I want. Is it not bad enough that I have boobs that don't match my body, a stretched out belly and strange pains....but at least this once could you do what I want you to do.

I'm just praying a lot. Might take the i-pod walking tonite. I need a good case of the heave-ho cries.