For the last couple months, my body & hormones have been in mutiny. Despite my head not wanting to wrap around my having another child, being pregnant, or being up all night-endless nights......my body tends to disagree.

Every time I even glance in the direction of my husband, I find myself more and more attracted to him, loving my life, & wanting to have another baby with him.

Perhaps it has some to do with that my baby is growing up and the thought of her losing her last remnant of baby, her teeth, has set me off. Or it's realizing I'm less than 12 years from her not being here full-time.....or it could be the thought of long term having someone who fully knows what you came from and the responsibility of taking care of our old asses and making decisions for us when we have "old timers".....the thoughts are daunting.

Considering the circumstances of how she came about, the thoughts of another child have rarely, if ever, crossed my mind.

Part of why we haven't, is pure selfishness: lack of monetary means, not wanting to sacrifice sleep and time, and not wanting to give up my body to an alien and for an alien for an indefinite amount of time.....but God must have different plans.

Given my family's fertility record (my grandmother being able to get pregnant from blinking and delivery with little more than a cough-my mom being one of 13 and my dad 1 of 5), I never thought I'd have the opportunity to "WANT" another kid, especially after getting pregnant while ON birth control. But....I've been off of the pill for almost 3 years with no mishaps, no maybes and have been left wide open with "choices" and "decisions".....we're kinda the couple that have to be thrown into things...with indecision being our master.

Yet every time it doesn't happen now, I feel a bit rejected....even though we're not actively trying. Perhaps my heart is bleeding for those that can't have kids or my body and God have intentions of their own.....whatever the means of this ramble, I decided to follow my progress of my trials with it and my possible upcoming pregnancy thru this blog....as a reference for myself, since I was too young and stupid to do it the first time.

Time will tell.....